Mood Swing?

Suddenly dun have the depressed feeling anymore... no matter alone in bus or at bus stop, there is no more those negative thoughts and sadness...
weird? mood swing?
I guess i know why i feel depressed for the past few weeks liao...
I think its on some topic we discussed over msn... its about changing over times, no confident in oneself going over to another stage of the relationship...
whenever i think of "no confident", i feel so sad and heartache... so many years of relationship seems so empty afterall, not even a bit build up his confident, so wat we did in the past years is a waste, din build up anything at all... everytime i think of this, i feel my heart aching and will start to cry... really feel like a person stand alone, seems sinking soon...

I think thats the cause of my depress mood...
A few days ago, we discussed again... this time round we have another conclusion, its about freedom... however this one seems more acceptable by me... I have wrote something like that in my blog 2 to 3 years ago...
"for guys out there who feels that they have not "played" enough, please do not consider getting married. And for ladies who are girlfriends of this type of guys, please wait more patiently till they have "played" enough..."
this is what i believed and it still will be... I will continue to wait when everybody is ready...
However I admit I am a person who needs assurance, not too much, a little will do every now and then... while waiting... I mus say I am still a normal woman, I am not a saint, can 看淡一切， 没有感觉, no expectation at all.

dear ask me a question today: why his life always pong pong pong, why others not like his... i told him its a special life of his...
I remembered when we first spoke behind a cloth in a camp, he told me that he has just came back from his Europe trip... the first thing i thought of is he must be very rich haha... the next thing i thought of is this person should be quite interesting(special)... indeed interesting, cos his life is ever pong pong pong...

I know this since i knew him, and I am continuosly learning throughout these few years how to walk together with him... please allow me to learn, please dun feel presurized or disappointed when I have made a mistake... I will still want to continue to walk this through with you forever :)

星云法师之语录（一）

Something to remind myself and remember...

1）布施可以种一收十，持戒可以三业清净。
2）忍辱可以自他得益，精进可以无事不成。
3）以言语讥人，取祸之大端； 以度量容人，集福之要术。

The Inner Side Of Me

I also don't know why... It has always been this point of the year that I feel more depressed.
Maybe becos its near to end of the year and I will start to review and think about things that happen this whole year...
I din know I am so afraid of being alone before...
Recently, everytime I took 165 to or from work and I have nothing to do in bus, I will start to think and tears will start to drop uncontrollably...
Not only in bus, its everywhere when I am alone and doing nothing...
Now I understand why Wen oso will keep thinking thinking and thinking...
Hope not many friends read my blog... if they do, dun worry too much about me...
I am still the strong and cheerful jun. (haha predentious!)
I just want to note this down in my blog cos next year I can read this again to see if this is a cycle...

Anyway as usual I am going to make myself very busy again (like wat dear mention, a pong pong pong life). I think this kind of life more suitable for me...
Things that I may be doing next year...
- give tuition
- get Java certification
- go travel (taiwan maybe, with family maybe)
- run 21km sundown marathon
- and also cont to work work work and other commitments

Another few more weeks will be end of 2009 le. By then, I shall write a review on this year resolutions and resolutions for next year...

stay happy, jun... must jia you wor... :)